I always think of all this stuff to write and then am too lazy to sit down and write it. Or it's too hard with my crazy children running all around the house. Sooooooo much has happened in my life since the new year and we aren't even out of January yet. First we had a wonderful Christmas. My mom and step dad drove down for the Holiday. We had a neighborhood Christmas eve party where the kids all came over. We watched polar express, drank hot coco, the kids each had personal videos from Santa, and we sprinkled reindeer food. It was magical and I think the best Christmas Eve I have ever had. Then Christmas Day my parents were there to watch the kids open their gifts and I cooked a big dinner. Tom, Ashley, and Troy (A family that is like family in my heart.... I love them so much and even asked them to be the kids Godparents) came over and had dinner with us. We exchanged gifts with them. It was a wonderful Holiday one I will forever be grateful for, especially after what has happened since then.
Some things happened at the very end of December that I would rather not get in to. I will share a lot about myself but I am not willing to share everything. People who are close to me and love me know all those details and that is enough. I decided to leave Mike for good. I can't keep believing empty promises and the fact that things will never change. I called my dad who has my grandfathers house and he is letting me and the kids stay here until we can do taxes and I can move to FL. While I am so grateful for having a roof over my head I feel lost here right now. I don't have a penny to my name. I can't work because I don't know how long I am going to be here, hopefully no more than 2 more weeks. I am so ready to get to FL and make a fresh start on my life. I spent 12 years loving someone who didn't make me happy. While I tried to be the best wife I could be there are just some things that are not forgivable. At some point I had to say I am 30 years old and I still have a lot of life to live. I don't want to spend another 12, 20, 40, or whatever years being miserable. And my kids may never know it and they may hate me for taking them away from their father.....But I hope they understand one day. I want better for them and there are things they should not be around. Everything I do is for those 3 beautiful, precious, little devils LOL. I love them and will do anything I can to protect them.
I can't even explain what I am going through right now. I have so many emotions. I do not want to go back to Mike, I have not loved him for a long time. I do know that I have hurt him and I hate hurting people. I feel so alone. I have friends who I though I was close to that haven't even called or text to ask me how I was doing. Thank goodness I have a few people who have been amazing support. It's very hard but I see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have so much more to say but my eyelids no longer want to stay open.
